I recently read The Life of Dad while studying for my certificate in perinatal psychotherapy training, led by Emma Haynes, a psychotherapist and leading writer and researcher in perinatal mental distress.
However, I had another reason for picking up this book; my nephew became a father for the first time at the end of 2023.
Through my own psychotherapy training at the Metanoia Institute in London, I have become deeply aware of how our attachment styles influence personal relationships, including those with our children. So, when Emma mentioned this book my ears pricked up – I had a strong reaction. At last, people are seriously considering the fathers role in parenthood.
Dr Anna Machin explores fatherhood through the lens of neuroscience, psychology and evolutionary biology, revealing how men’s brains, hormones and emotions adapt to parenthood. What amazed me was the evidence showing that fathers develop profound emotional bonds with their children, even without the biological processes of pregnancy.
Throughout the book, personal stories from new dads illustrate both the challenges and joys of fatherhood, reinforcing just how crucial fathers are in their children’s development.
One aspect I particularly appreciated was the discussion on the social father – the idea that a man doesn’t have to be a biological father to play a vital role in a child’s life. The book presents strong evidence that children benefit greatly from the presence of caring, supportive male figures, whether they are stepfathers, uncles, or mentors. For me, this highlighted the broader, more inclusive definition of fatherhood, including within same-sex relationships.
The book further dismantles traditional parental stereotypes, particularly the notion that mothers are naturally better caregivers. Instead, it emphasizes that parenting can be a learned skills, not necessarily an inherent maternal instinct.
Finally, I celebrated Machin’s exploration of cultural diversity in parenting. She highlights how our Western view of parenthood is not universal. In many cultures, caregiving responsibilities are more evenly distributed within communities, rather than solely resting on biological or adoptive parents. In some societies, extended families, friends and even entire villages share the responsibility of raising a child, reinforcing the idea that strong parental bonds can extend beyond traditional family structures. I enjoyed the challenge to our Western notion that mothers are the default primary caregiver, emphasizing again that parenting is a social and cultural construct rather than always a biological fixed role.
Whether you are a new dad, a father figure or simply interested in human relationships, The Life of Dad is a thought provoking read that may challenge your initial views on parenting.
